Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
