awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
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It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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