she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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