You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
