and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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