so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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