Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
