I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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