If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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