i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
