It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
