grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
