I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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