Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
