I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
