I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
