he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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