Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
