i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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