don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
