The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
