Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
