I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
