I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
