dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
