I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
