You're earring is so big in my mouth
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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