Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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