So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
