I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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