So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
