after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
