So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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