Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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