Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
