Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
