textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
