That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
