ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
