Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
