so that wasnt chicken after all
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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