What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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