I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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