She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
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I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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