I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
