well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
