He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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