So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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