As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
