Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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