piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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