I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
