hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
