JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
