I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
