I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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