So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
