I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
