all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
