This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
