I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
