you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
only if we run a train.
done.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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