direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
