they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
