ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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