I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
