You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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