is your mom at the bar?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
