he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
