Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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