ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
