So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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