I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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