You're completely useless in the revolution.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
